Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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