How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
