Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
