I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
