It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
