I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
