We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
