He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
