I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
