The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
