I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
