You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
