those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dignity is for republicans.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have already put on my inside pants.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
