3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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