my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
