I wish my penis had an off switch
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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