yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
