Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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