i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
