i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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