i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
