our cab driver is having phone sex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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