Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
