one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
