you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
