so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Rumble strips road head = magical
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
