So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
