Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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