he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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