so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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