if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
