dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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