Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
