She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize