i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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