Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
