my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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