We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
