How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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