Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
