its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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