"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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