Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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