i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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