I hate all girls vehemently.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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