Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
