Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
