so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
