My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I want a musical about memes.
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