Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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