weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just invented taco cereal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
