I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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