Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
