i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
