we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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