cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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