I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
